Sunday.
...The fireworks I heard before noon were probably to announce the opening of the festival.
And the weather... certainly wasn't festival weather—it was cloudy.
The television forecast was calling for possible downpours starting this evening and lasting until around midnight.
...But as long as it wasn't raining at the moment... the festival would go on.
The festival had to open... or it wouldn't begin.
The Furude Shrine grounds... were probably decorated beautifully for the big performance that only happened once a year.
...Many paper lanterns were hung up, all in the auspicious colors of red and white.
...The sound of electric motors at the stalls.
...The voices of kids running around.
Their happy families watching them. Smiling.
...Today was the festival of Watanagashi.
......Was everyone... already partaking in the festivities?
What about Satoko?
...Had she forgotten her days of suffering just for a few moments... while smiling that brilliant smile she hadn't in so long?
...This would probably be the longest day of my life.
It would be a day I would remember vividly for as long as I lived.
I told my parents I'd go to the festival this evening and lounged about during the early afternoon.
...We may have lived under the same roof, but they couldn't help being surprised by the deviation from how I usually spent my time.
...Glancing at my parents out of the corner of my eye... I went to the front door.
I tied my shoes just a little tighter than normal.
...As if to express the firmness of my resolve in those knots.
......When I decided to murder Satoko's uncle... I was in such a state of excitement I almost went crazy.
...And when I was planning out the act of a murder, which went directly against all the morals fostered in me thus far... I was in such a state of calm I almost thought I had lost my emotions.
...And then... yesterday.
...When I learned Satoshi had made exactly the same phone call as me......
I didn't know how to describe the muddled feelings I had then.
...And now, entering today.
Right now, I lacked all the emotions I'd possessed until now.
...To make a simple analogy... it was the kind of feeling you might get right after you wake up, when you're still half-asleep and you don't feel anything very clearly.
I had no anger towards that man for the violence he'd committed against Satoko.
Nor did I feel sadness towards or sympathize with her.
I felt no discontent towards my friends, who had just waited and watched, never reaching out to her with any help... and no nervousness or fear towards the day that had finally come.
...Yes.
Right now... you could say I was in the best possible condition for carrying out a murder.
When it came down to it, I would probably need to let my violent emotions take control.
...But right up until that moment... I would be like an insect.
...I would slowly, surely, and silently move towards my one objective...... and then, when I had my prey, I'd attack like a bullet.
There was no emotion in that.
...Just the creeping mindset insects possessed.
...That sort of sneaking feeling was just the best.
...I would kill Satoko's uncle like he was a worm.
I had to laugh a little at thinking that way—thinking like an insect.
......Tug.
I tightened my laces one more time... and walked out the door.
I brought the shovel out of the front storeroom.
I would need it to dig the man's grave.
The shovel was a convenient one made for camping... If I twisted it like so and split it into three, I could easily hide it in my bag.
I twisted the shovel... and dismantled it.
And even though I'd done it countless times before...
I had trouble for some reason.
...Like I was suddenly clumsy now.
......I knew why.
...It wasn't because I was nervous.
...My weak-willed self, deep within me, was hesitant.
...I knew that the act of dismantling this shovel... was the first step I'd take to becoming a murderer.
"...Guh...... oohhh!!"
The last twist was conspicuously difficult... but it finally submitted before the strength of my determination...
The area around Satoko's house... was outside my circle of activity.
...But even just riding my bike in the middle of the day like this... might seem suspicious to an observant person.
I definitely want to avoid meeting and talking to someone I knew...
With that in mind, I chose the route to my destination carefully.
...I didn't mind going the long way around.
...With how long this day would be, I could never be too careful, after all...
...Still, I was fortunate enough not to run across anybody on my way to the planned site of the crime.
...I wasn't superstitious at this point... but it was a good omen.
The place I would dig the hole... was in this grove, a little further into the woods.
...I was worried I might not make it to the same place as before, since there were no signs to guide me... but I arrived there smoothly and as expected.
I took another look around.
...Not even a hint of human presence.
...The air was a little bit damp, but it was comfortable in the cool shade of the trees.
I took the disassembled shovel out of my bag... and began skillfully putting it together.
...Then... I stuck the tip of the shovel into a soft-looking patch of ground... and pushed on it with my foot.
...The shovel would split into the earth if I put some strength into that foot.
...The act of doing so... seemed awfully like the point of no return... and it made me hesitate.
I was just digging a hole with a shovel... but it made me gulp hard.
...Calm down, Keiichi Maebara.
...Let's do a countdown.
...Get it done on the count of three, okay?
......All right...
One...
two......
I couldn't do it on the countdown, despite it just being sticking the shovel into the ground... and I had to count down five or six times.
...Damn it... I'm just digging a hole... This is pathetic!
As I thought that... I put strength into my heel like I was stepping on something unpleasant, and split!! came the sharp noise.
"......Hoo...
............ngh.
............Hoo..."
...It was only soft at the beginning.
...Roots and stones quickly got in my way, informing me just how hard it was to dig a hole big enough for a person.
No decent person would ever come here anyway...
Maybe it would be enough to cover him up with some dirt...
...Every time a naive thought like that crept into my mind, I bit down on it with my teeth and dug even harder.
I've dug enough now...
I could hide him like this...
Every time I thought that, I would go down into the hole, grow disappointed at how shallow it was, and return to digging.
...The thin layer of sweat on my brow eventually formed into drops and fell to the ground.
...My back was in even worse shape.
My damp shirt adhered to my skin... and it felt so disgusting.
...The things I couldn't stand the most were the mosquitoes.
...Maybe they were attracted by the scent of my sweat... The white and black striped mosquitoes would cling to me whenever I let my guard down.
It was hot.
It was disgusting.
I was sticky.
...I was itchy.
...All those uncomfortable feelings surged through me in waves.
"...Damn it all...
So what... Are you telling me to pack up and go home?!
Is that it?!"
I hadn't yelled at anyone.
It was me talking to myself, me telling myself something.
...Why was I... feeling this way... and digging a hole all the way out here...?
What benefit would digging this hole give me?
What harm would there be in not digging this hole at all?
Wait, in the first place...... Who ordered me to dig?
...When I thought it over... maybe, ever since grade school, or even before that... my whole life had only been me doing what other people told me to.
...I didn't mean it was somehow constrained, living a life just based on the commands of others.
And I didn't mean I was too lazy to try and find my own road in life.
Metaphorically speaking... yes... it was like a road.
I'd never been particularly physically fit.
...I didn't hit puberty very early, and if all my classmates and I got in a line, I'd usually be on the shorter end.
My scores in jump-rope competitions and marathons were the very picture of average.
And it wasn't like the captains of the dodgeball teams would have a passionate rock-paper-scissors contest to see which would get me.
During those kindergarten and grade school years, it felt like someone was only worth how fast they grew and how fit they were... Looking back on it now, it was really uncomfortable for me.
The thing that turned all that around... was just a few words from my mother.
"Keiichi.
Would you like to go to a cram school?
You'll better grasp what you're learning in school, and it will be more fun."
The very first test I took at cram school was kind of like a game—it was a lot of fun.
It wasn't like the tests with the same exact problem dozens of times in a row—every question had a picture to it, almost like one of those puzzle books that came with manga magazines.
If my studies at school had been like this, it would have been way more fun.
Several days later, I went to the cram school again with my mother and the enrollment paperwork.
...Mom and the person at the cram school had a really long, heated discussion, so I accidentally dozed off and missed most of what they said... but I clearly remember one point.
Mom had made a loud groan, surprised at something.
"Umm... By 61, do you mean his average score was 61 points?"
"No, not at all, Mrs. Maebara.
The deviation from the mean of all our cram schools across the country is 61.
He's showing extraordinary numbers, even on a simple intelligence test.
...First, I would like to say that Keiichi Maebara-kun is extremely bright."
"Keiichi...?
But he doesn't have very good grades at school.
He has average marks on his report card—Bs, Cs, Ds...
...Is there some kind of mistake...?"
"We cross-checked with several tests as well, and we learned some very interesting things as a result.
Maebara-kun is extremely weak when faced with questions that don't have any meaning.
...He just has no interest in simple, dull questions that don't have to do with everyday life."
"...So even if he doesn't know what 2+3 is, if you told him he had two apples, then got three more... He would understand that sort of question?"
"That's right.
For example... Instead of telling him to draw a flattened, foldable cube, what if we asked him what a die would look like when cut open?
If we did that, he can answer beautifully."
Then the person from the cram school showed her a page from one of the exams I took.
...It was a paper with questions about construction.
Construction questions were unusual, so they were really cool, weren't they?
"In this question, it asks to draw an unfolded regular icosahedron—a shape with twenty faces.
...When we rephrased it and asked him how he would cut out a piece of cardboard to create a twenty-sided die...
Keiichi-kun drew the answer as though it were easy.
...This is not something an average child can do."
"Keiichi...
Have you ever made a die with twenty sides from a magazine extra or anything?"
Dice only went from one to six.
I'd never even considered before this test that there were dice with more than six sides.
So it was fun to imagine what kind of shape a die that went up to 20 would have.
If I had a die like that, I could win at snakes & ladders against anyone!
So I immediately wanted to make it.
Finally, I entered cram school.
...There were only four students in the class they put me in, which was called 'Select.'
It was the highest class... and some of my classmates were in lower classes...
and when I remembered how much better they had done at things like dodgeball and the 50 meter sprint, I felt happiness well up within me for the first time.
Even if I wasn't as good at them physically, I triumphed over them in other ways.
It was fun at first.
The more I did, the more I was praised, my teachers at school suddenly started pampering me, and it felt good.
...My parents were satisfied too.
And I enjoyed seeing them satisfied.
The more I listened to my parents' commands, the more fun things got.
"...............Heh."
That did happen, didn't it?
...I grinned dryly in self-deprecation.
Because, well... My studious lifestyle didn't end up lasting very long.
It was only at the beginning I enjoyed learning more and more.
I gradually got along less with my friends...
My classes were behind what I was learning in cram school, and I eventually stopped respecting the teachers, given that they could put me to sleep with their lectures.
...And, well, I was a disagreeable sort who bragged a lot about how much I knew...
and the ways of the world wouldn't let me remain in that state of ecstasy forever.
I would do as I was told, then I'd go above and beyond their expectations, and then they praised me.
...I was happy for that, and the cycle repeated itself like the wheels on a bike.
...I thought moving forward like that was how life worked—like a bicycle.
When I moved to Hinamizawa... I realized just how inadequate it was.
Some things happened, and we started saying how moving and getting a change in atmosphere would be nice.
And then my father... He had a place that he liked, that he'd gone to a few times to draw the nature...
He started saying... that he wanted to bring his atelier there.
...With me in blank amazement, they decided to move to Hinamizawa.
And after that...... I... I met them, didn't I?
The first day after transferring here.
...I went to the classroom with the teacher.
...I thought it would seem pitiful for her to bring me in there, so I placed my hand on the door before she could, slammed it open, and set foot into the room.
Clatter.
The thrilling, powerful way I opened that door... was none other than my own determination to try doing my life over again.
...And then... within seconds, that determination took a hard counter to the face.
A blackboard eraser fell on me.
Plus, there was a huge rock inside... It was a supremely painful trap someone had set up.
...Oh, come on. Satoko was already beating me right from the first day I transferred?
That frightened me.
I was bewildered.
The class was surprised, too.
I wasn't just surprised that the students in the class were all in different grades and were different genders.
...It was because the room felt completely different from the schools I knew.
And as I spend more time with them... my surprise continued to grow.
This fresh sense of surprise... had never left my life, even to this day.
...Every day was a fresh new surprise... I've never had a single boring day since coming here.
The days were lively, spent with the other club members.
We played old maid with cards with scratches on the back to cheat.
We let all our passions go wild during our games.
We went all out as regular participants in tournaments at the toy store in town, and many, many more things...
Recently during those times, there was the bento competition.
...It was then.
That's when I saw an unexpected side to Satoko.
Thinking back on it... I only ate dinner with her two nights.
It was such sweet, gentle time spent, and it warmed my heart remembering it even now.
I realized that Satoko was pretending to be stubborn and firm... and how brave she was, part of her heart always waiting for her Nii-nii to come home...
and I vowed to become her Nii-nii.
Satoko may have been nagging and overly critical... but she knew how to take care of someone.
But though it might have seemed like she was taking the lead, it was actually her way of depending upon another person.
Even if Satoshi and Satoko's lives as siblings... were confined by their uncle and his wife... they were still warm, sunny days.
When did those sunny days all go wrong? What mistake was made?
Lamenting tragedies of the past would do no good, and I'd told myself that so many times... but I did anyway.
Keiichi...
Isn't that why you chose your own path—to take back that life?
Nobody ordered you to do this.
You decided it on your own.
You don't desire anyone's praise for this.
You thought it all through yourself.
You'll carve it out yourself.
...And you'll do it now!
This wasn't a path I could see very far down... not like the road parents or society could offer.
...It was a narrow path, dark, and utterly distressing, one for which the next step would always be shrouded in darkness.
But... that disheartening path... would keep on going forever.
It was an unlimited path... and there was nowhere I couldn't travel.
The kind of path... only available to those able to imagine where they wanted to go.
Don't be ashamed at breaking from the brightly lit, paved road.
In fact, feel proud... that you found your very own path to walk.
And I hadn't discarded the paved road either.
...Once I achieved my goal, I would go back to that bright road. And then... I'd spend those average, sunny days at my leisure...
Crush...
...When I next realized it, the hole... had grown so deep I couldn't believe it.
...Did I... dig all this myself...?
"...I think digging this much... is enough, right?"
I put my shovel into the bottom of the hole.
...I would drag the body here, throw it into the hole, and cover it up with dirt.
...Even if it took me time to camouflage it by putting plants on top, it would all go much more easily than digging this hole had.
I glanced at my watch.
...It was almost evening, and I hadn't realized it.
...I may not have felt the time passing...
but digging a hole this deep must have taken quite a lot of time.
I took a seat on a slanted rock nearby... and wiped the sweat from my brow.
......Now... once it got a little darker, I'd go get the metal bat I hid in the schoolyard.
...Then I'd make the call to lure him out.
...And then...
I'd do it.
The number of things I needed to do to reach that moment... were dwindling.
I felt that moment closing in on me much more keenly than I did the passage of time.
...I didn't have any hesitation, but I still felt that—a contradiction.
...At every step in this process, I had a few chances to hesitate, to turn back... to let myself lose my nerve.
Having to endure those million temptations and wait for when the time was right... was an indescribably slow and painful torture.
I had thought myself acting all weak because of that, but I stopped midway through.
...This was okay.
...It was fine.
I could detest the abnormal act of homicide as much as I wanted and it didn't matter.
...I wasn't going to be a cutthroat killer after today.
...I would pass through this strange day and go back to the world I was in before.
If I fell to the level of a psychopath who thought nothing of killing, I wouldn't be able to go back to my old life.
...So this was fine with me.
I didn't have to feel ashamed at hesitating to kill.
Because... I was human.
It was so funny to me... that I'd be the bearer of Oyashiro-sama's curse at the same time I was aware I was human...
I exhaled lightly and stood.
I concealed my presence... and sharpened my senses in all directions... to search for anyone around but me...
...Okay.
...Let's go.
...One step at a time.
I would walk my own path.
...A path no one had forced me to walk.
"...Let's do this...
Keiichi Maebara..."
The cicadas made an annoying fuss.
...Their chorus covered up the suspicious noise of me breaking twigs underfoot.
...And their chorus filled the path far ahead of me, letting me know I would be alone for some time.
The cicadas blessed the path I walked, encouraging me with every last ounce of strength they had.
The sky was far above.
...In not even an hour, the veil of night would draw near and the sky would be tinted with dusk.
...By that time, the higurashi would let me hear their chorus in place of the cicadas.
When that happened... would everything be over with?
Would everything have ended...?
I said something along those lines when I left Satoko's fate up to a public agency.
...But this time... was different.
...I would do it.
I would carry it out.
I would... end it.
It
would
all
be
over
very
soon.
\nEverything would end.
...
Yes,
when
the
h
i
g
u
r
a
s
h
i
cried.