...I went home... and washed the day's sweat off in the shower.
Normally, I could reset everything by taking a shower and forgetting all the bad things.
...But that didn't happen today.
I got out of the shower to find fresh underwear placed neatly in the laundry basket.
...Normally I didn't stop to think about it, but today I felt happy at my mother's consideration.
At the same time, however, it made me realize how much Satoko must be suffering.
At the very moment I was appreciating this gentle kindness, Satoko might be being bruised by her uncle's cruel words.
I went up to the second floor and shut myself in my bedroom.
...Then, facing my desk... I folded my arms.
My topic of thought, of course... was Satoko.
...We'd thought that if we could just get a public agency to intervene in the right way, the problem would be solved.
...But with what Coach said... I didn't think it would be so easy.
...Satoko was obstinate, and she would stubbornly deny the abuse... and try to endure it.
...And that was an act of atonement... towards Satoshi, who had protected her before and then run away.
...As long as she thought that way...
the situation wouldn't be so simple.
But earlier, before Coach, I made a clear declaration.
...If I thought Satoko was in danger... then I would do what I had to.
In the end, that meant I was just going to 'wait and see' too...
Nevertheless, I thought I'd drawn a clearer line than Coach or my friends had.
...If the time came... I would report it.
Over the phone.
...Given Satoko's personality, she might criticize me if she found out.
...But... I believed it was ultimately the best decision.
......Wait, Keiichi Maebara.
...Would that really be all it took for the problem to end...?
...Say that I reported it to a public agency, like the child consultation center...
What if they stuck to their 'wait and see' attitude like last year again...?
...Last year, they decided to do just that, and the situation improved temporarily... but then the aunt, thinking herself a laughingstock, increased her tormenting in secret.
...In the end, things became more underhanded than ever before.
This year it was her uncle.
......I had just seen him for the first time today... but the man seemed much more direct, much more violent than the word 'underhanded' could imply.
...He wasn't like their aunt... no, not that subtle... He was more direct...
He might also assault her with punches and kicks.
...That could easily be discerned from the bruises and such I saw on Satoko's body.
...Shit... You're too naive, Keiichi Maebara!!
However heroic it may seem to report what was happening... if it doesn't save her, then it doesn't mean anything!!
Reporting things to a public agency was only one option, and leaving everything to them would be dangerous.
...We would need something more... to guarantee Satoko's safety...
I scratched madly at my head, thinking, then tilted it back, wanting at least a little bit of calm.
......The memories of angry arguing with my friends today came to mind.
I was embarrassed that I hadn't realized it until Rena said something.
...She was right.
...My house is big.
Compared to all the houses with the straw-thatched roofs in Hinamizawa... it was really big.
We did actually have empty rooms.
...I've never thought that we were affluent... but also never that we were poor.
...I just didn't admit it because people would think I was arrogant...
......But maybe my family... really is wealthy.
...We had a few rooms we could lend to Satoko.
...The guest rooms are only in use when people related to my dad's job come and stay every once in a while.
...Plus, if we cleaned up a few of the rooms my dad uses for storage, they could work for her as well.
...As for food expenses... That might have been a more serious problem than a kid like me could imagine.
Lunch every day would be manageable.
...All of our friends would just have to bring a little bit more for lunch than they usually did.
With everyone pecking at everyone else's food anyway, it would be manageable.
...For breakfast and dinner, though... that would have to be up to Mom.
...I would need to convince her to lend Satoko more than just a room.
(Of course, I don't even think convincing her of that would be easy...)
About how much... did it cost for one person to eat...
How many tens of thousands of yen... per month...?
They couldn't... complain about it if I shouldered that, could they?
...I only had ten or twenty thousand yen in savings, but it was something.
I actually had even more, thanks to New Year's gifts and such... but my parents had taken all that and put it into a fixed time deposit.
...If I could get access to that, it should add up to a lot of money.
And if I got that far... I should ask Mion and Rena to share some of the burden.
Of course, I wouldn't depend on that.
...Rena got mad at me, didn't she?
About how I shouldn't just shove responsibility onto others.
...I'd have to ask for help.
Even so... I'd basically be saving her myself.
I would follow through on it...!
Oh, but... it wouldn't be only food expenses.
...There were a lot of other things that you couldn't do without, like baths and laundry.
...My mother was awfully methodical and strict about cutting out inefficiencies—and for once, that was troublesome.
...She might even make reference... to the money it would cost for the detergent Satoko would use for her own clothes.
...I couldn't think only about food expenses.
I... needed more money.
(Hey, wait, Keiichi Maebara, since when was all this about money?!
Even if you could afford it... you would need your parents' permission first!
They'd be looking after a young girl for a really long time...!)
What would I say to persuade them...?
...Just calm down a little bit, Keiichi Maebara, and you'll realize right away that you can't.
Even if you asked them seriously, they would tell you to call the police.
Even if you managed to gain their empathy, why should the Maebara family have to shoulder all of the burden by itself?
That's what would happen.
...That was it.
...It was very sad and frustrating... but no matter how much I wanted to help...
My resolution alone... couldn't save anything.
"......Are kids... are they really this powerless...?"
...I felt frustrated.
...I believed my feelings were stronger than anyone else's.
...I even thought they were stronger than Coach's.
...And yet...
At that point, there were two knocks at my door, and Mom poked her head inside.
"Were you awake?
I've been calling you for dinner for a while."
"...Oh... Yeah, I'm coming..."
As someone financially dependent on his parents, I shouldn't say this, but...
I just sat around doing nothing, and food suddenly appeared.
...It felt so natural to me that I'd shamelessly thought of it as the responsibility of the parents who gave birth to me.
...But when I realized that natural thing was actually a right...
I came to realize just how hard it was to grant that privilege to others...
Even the boring meal in front of me, no better than it ever was, had more meaning than that tonight.
There was food for three on the table right now—for Dad, for Mom, and for me.
...I couldn't imagine how hard it would be to add another place at the table...
......Think, Keiichi Maebara.
...If it was hard to make food for four... then just think about how four people could eat food made for three.
.........Oh...
...I changed around the way I thought... and with that I began to consider an unthinkably bold plan...
That's right.
...I didn't need to get my parents' permission.
...She should just live here in secret.
I got upset when I found out a while ago... but if I remembered right, if you climbed out the window then shimmied down the first floor roof or the gutter, you could go in and out of the house directly from my room.
Satoko's physical ability far surpassed my own, so it would be even easier for her.
...I hadn't even thought about it, but her living here secretly was actually a necessity.
I'd only have to bring Satoko to my house when the public agency said they would 'wait and see.'
...In other words, if Satoko's uncle continued to be her guardian.
If, in such a situation, word got out that she was here, her uncle would barge in and drag Satoko back with him.
Her uncle was her rightful guardian, so my parents would hand her over without an argument, no doubt.
So... I needed to keep it a secret that she was living here!
(If it needs to be a secret... then having my parents' help would mean a lot, but... gotta deceive your allies first, like they always say...)
...Okay.
...Persuading my parents was an unrealistic proposition... so I'll search for a way to have her live here in secret.
When I was around, she would just have to be really quiet in my room on the second floor.
...The issue was the daytime.
If she was hiding from her uncle, then she shouldn't go to school.
...It might be lonely, but not going would be the better option.
(I could easily teach Satoko the stuff she learns in her grade.
...Actually, during school, I mostly help all the younger kids out rather than study my own stuff!)
...During the day, I would need to go to school, so I wouldn't be at home.
...My parents respected my privacy now that I was this age, so they wouldn't go snooping around in my room while I was gone.
(...I think.)
...If she holed herself up in my room... it would be okay, right...?
If my parents did come, thanks to where the second floor was, she could hear their approach from the sound of them coming up the stairs.
And there would be a little bit of time before they got all the way up (...I estimated a few seconds) that she would be able to hide herself in the closet...
Wait, wait, Keiichi!
Something doesn't make sense...!!
If she can't go to school, then what'll she do for lunch?!
...Calm down already!
I could just leave her my own lunch, couldn't I?
I should just go to school without lunch and get everyone else to split theirs with me.
...Okay... that's good.
...No more contradictions or oversights, right?
...Oh, breakfast and dinner.
......I could somehow get her to go without breakfast.
...I can go with two meals a day when I sleep in on Sundays, after all.
Every night... I'd pretend as though I had a bigger appetite, then ask for a bigger helping.
...And then, I could just somehow give part of that to Satoko...!
...As a test...
I stood up from my seat, with my plate of fish in my hands.
"What's wrong, Keiichi?
Sit down and eat your food."
"Um, well.
...I'm kind of not in a good mood.
...Could I eat up in my room?"
"...You'll make a mess.
Eat dinner at the dinner table."
"......Mm... sorry..."
...Hey, wait...
I only... tried to take away one plate of fish... and they ganged up on me?!
In reality... it was impossible for me to smuggle food away without my parents knowing about it.
...But it... it must have been worth taking the time to think about.
...There must be some trick, some method to avoid them realizing...
(Even if I can't think of one today, I might think of one tomorrow...!)
My appetite was rapidly fading, so I finished early and went back to my room.
...I went back there... and tried to think about it from Satoko's point of view.
...For example, let's say my parents were coming up the stairs right now. I've got to hide...!
I opened the closet.
...Clatter clatter.
...It didn't open quietly.
Hey, wait... Didn't it always open real smooth and quiet?!
Why was it suddenly doing this now?!
Was this house even structurally safe?!
Was it already showing signs of dilapidation?!
Or were the hinges just not greased well enough?!
Could I just apply some lubricating wax?!
...The sound itself may have been soft... but it left me uneasy as to whether my parents would detect it happening when they climbed the stairs.
...But this was an easy problem—I could do something about it.
I just had to fix it up a little bit so it didn't make noise anymore.
For now... I'll close myself in the closet as though I'd successfully hid.
......I basically always left my futon out on the floor.
I couldn't think of any real reason my parents would want to go into my closet.
...Even so, there still might be some reason they would.
I might need to construct some sort of camouflage so that she wouldn't be noticed even if they did open it.
But the more she worried about that... the less time she'd have to actually hide, meaning it would be more likely they'd hear a noise...
...And then... I suddenly had to go to the bathroom.
...The bathroom...?!
The need to use the toilet—so obvious, and yet such a fatal flaw...
The only bathroom was on the first floor.
It would be absolutely impossible for her to use it without my family realizing.
...I might need to set up a portable toilet (like a chamber pot, I guess...
Satoko would hate it) so she could go in my room.
...But... the stench... would be pretty terrible.
Anyone sensitive would probably notice the smell without even coming into the room.
...The bath was okay, though.
She could just take a bath when my parents were out.
But I couldn't do anything about a toilet.
...When her stomach started to hurt... if my parents were lazing around downstairs... she'd be in trouble...!
...It was then that I noticed... that I'd been clawing at my head with both hands.
I sat down in the dark closet with my knees against my chest.
...I buried my face in them and tore at my hair.
...The more I thought, the more contradictions popped up.
...The more I thought, the more things failed...
And the more I worried... the more I was reminded of how little power I actually had.
My back started to hurt from staying in a cramped place for so long.
But if I was to shelter Satoko, I would need to force her to feel this pain.
...To live in such a dark, narrow... suffocating place... forever.
But it would still be better than being abused by her uncle... or so I wanted to think.
...It got hard to breathe... so I gave in and crawled out of the closet.
I looked at the clock... and to my surprise, it was 3:30 in the morning.
...It had felt like so little time, but it was so unbelievably long.
When I realized that, I was slammed with a terrible urge to sleep as if the time had only just caught up with me.
I didn't have enough strength to fight it... and I fell flat onto my futon.
...Shit, I can't just go to sleep like this.
...If I waste any time, that'll mean I'm taking the same 'wait and see' attitude that Mion and Coach and everyone else did.
I needed to... keep worrying about how to rescue Satoko for a minute, or even a second longer... than everyone else.
......Isn't there a better way?
...Isn't there a better way?
...That one phrase I spoke to myself swirled around and around in a spiral... and steadily took over my entire mind......
For my last moment of consciousness, I thought.
...There were a lot of blind spots in what I'd considered tonight... but I absolutely wasn't wrong for having those ideas.
...Tomorrow, I would suggest this bold plan to the others.
...Mion might be able to help somehow, and Rena was really sharp, so she might have a good suggestion.
...And above all...
We needed to rescue Satoko once again... with everyone helping out...
............I felt pathetic for letting myself fall asleep.
...I'm sorry, Satoko...